Sticks and stones...

Is it true that words "will never hurt me"?

It probably takes nothing short of a narcissistic level of self confidence to be impervious to verbal attack.  To feel inadequate, insecure, misunderstood or even vilified, can force any of us to question if we have any worth at all.

Our children are basically born on a red carpet for most of us.  "Celebrity status" doesn't imply a reality show, tiara-wearing, spray-tan, monster-diva of a child.  It simply means that we see boundless potential and unbridled hope for this person-in-the-making.  We are invested in all this child can and will become.  We cheer.  We high-five.  We celebrate their accomplishments as we see the building blocks of their lives lay a foundation that will support all the dreams they will ever dream.

While this may sound a little "Disney," isn't it true that no child will ever compare to our own?  In no other child (or children) will we invest more.
 
Unfortunately, some of the biggest challenges parents face become almost cliché, especially as media attention brings a level of awareness to an issue, but in the process, fatigues us with constant, ineffectual harping.  I think, specifically, of the topic of bullying.  School systems appear to be attuned to the problem and have policies in place to address such cases, but when push comes to shove (no pun intended), you quickly realize how powerless they are to the constant flow of ridicule our children have to choke down day in and day out.

Like static in the background, schools everywhere hum with quiet, relentless cruelty.  It's not a surprise that kids are mean, but, somehow, you hope your child will be the exception.  I'm here to tell you there is no vaccine to protect any child from being bullied.  A bully isn't instigated because a child doesn't wear the "right" clothes or they aren't skinny enough or they wear glasses or hold to a particular faith.  Any child can be bullied.

Name calling and exclusion are probably the minimum forms of bullying we tolerate as a society, and when it hits our children, we try to be cool and deflect the pain with some practical advice:  Ignore it.  Be the "bigger" person.  Know who you are and be proud of it.  You don't want them as friends, anyway....right?

But, inside, you're boiling....you know who you are, and you'd be proud (as the actual bigger person) to acknowledge the perp, open "A Can" and lay it out for the punk.  Might not solve the problem, but we want our kids to see what we would do for them, what a powerful advocate we want to be.

Like allergies and ADD, I wanted to put my head in the sand and hope that, if unacknowledged, these plagues would not penetrate my family bubble.  Undue concern is a waste of precious energy, but when these situations occur, the game plan has to be solid enough to support the pieces of our child that, very well, may start to crumble.  We must be aware of the first signs of erosion to their character and fight against the unruly, destructive influence that could change who they are.  We are their levee and every sandbag we tirelessly stack against a flood of ridicule might just keep their heads above water.

I'm no expert, but I can easily see how essential it is to communicate about school life.  Ask about the people in their life.  They exist...do we know them?  Ask about bullying specifically, and if they indicate they are not having problems, ask if they know someone who is.  They can still learn from the third person, or even relate their struggles in the third person.  Make home a safe haven and speak to them the way you want others to speak to them.  And, if you do not personally have children in school, please make it your goal to talk to the children in your life about their experiences and show that you care about their struggles.  Let them know there is more of "us" than there is "them."

It seemed to hurt me more than my daughter when she revealed how a handful of kids demean her at school.  But, appearances can be deceptive, and I can't assume it won't affect her eventually.  All I can do for now is keep my finger on the pulse of her life, not as a helicopter parent, but as an advocate who proves that her value is weighed only through the eyes of those who love her the most.

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What are your thoughts?  Please share any advice, tips or strategies that can benefit any of us facing bullies at school.  We have modified the accessibility to comment on the blog so that anyone can easily posts their opinions.  This is a family-based site and I encourage my children to read it, so I respectfully ask that any who comment please refrain from vulgarity.