never say never...

As I ripened my first-born child, I was convinced of my parenting style before it ever began.  It was something to which one could set music to, perhaps sell baby food to, or at least something other mothers would envy while their toddlers twisted and arched in their shopping carts, red-faced and screaming for another artificially-dyed treat.

I do not own a pair of Birkenstocks, but a "Mother Earth" was emerging from her cocoon...

I thought...now please use this disclaimer to take stock of the fullness of your bladder before you read on, and, in fact, might wet yourself.....I thought:   I would never say "no."  I thought I could create a "positive re-direction."  Yeah, I really did...

Four children have now made the journey through my "nether parts," and I find the word "no" coming through my mouth like an onomatopoeia.  What that manipulative siren, Mother Earth, failed to relate to my naive consciousness was: children are unabashedly bent on destroying themselves and any and all lifeforms and non-lifeforms around them.

So often, before my favorite word "no" charges forth to command a situation gone awry, the word that flashes-like a naked man in a trench coat-milliseconds before is: "Why?!"

"Why are you jamming my corkscrew into the fireplace screen?"
"Why are you taking a bath in the sink?"
"Why is your brother shut in the dryer?"
 "Why are you taking all the silverware to the fire pit?"
"Why are you painting with my mascara?"
"Why do you need a 20-pound bag of rice?"
"Why are the laundry baskets in the tree?"

"Why are you cutting your hair?!"    ...yeah, that's a classic....and what do all mothers shout from the instincts that cry out from the common-sense center of their brain?  (A cry that drives Mother Earth in her white linen dress to her sun-kissed garden path still damp from the morning June dew to weep in her hand-painted bowl of granola.)

We cry "NO!"  We say "no" to save them from themselves, from each other and from ourselves...or at least our duvet covers or minivan interiors.

I had no idea what they were capable of.  They are so small and dis-proportioned.  One would think the large head and weak necks would slow them down a little, or the fact that they must take four strides to my one... 

I love that I never know what they will invent or the many uses they find for tape and Ziploc bags and water and pea gravel.  I love that their creativity inspires me to creativity, and, as much as I want to instruct them dutifully, they make me stop and continue to think outside the box, perhaps even, outside the world.

I know now that I'll always use the word "no" and her close cousin "stop" in order to maintain a semblance of control and underscore the importance of respect, because, at the end of the day, these tiny fingers and toes are so ready to run and throw a hug around your tired shoulders....and so ready to set something on fire.






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