It's commonly believed that women spend significant more time needlessly worrying about "what if's" than men. I would agree with that. My solar plexus would also concur. However, I still notice my father swallow hard every time my family piles in the van to depart on what could very well be a highway of death.
As soon as we touch that infant still warm from mother's womb, we assess what we know in that moment. Perhaps it is a cry or the fact that they do, indeed, have 10 fingers and toes. Then, we begin to choke down and silence the flood of fear that is lingering in the vast unknown.
“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”
― Jim Morrison
Sounds simple. History, unfortunately, indicates that, perhaps, he did not find this freedom at all.
It almost feels instinctual to avoid fearfulness. It's uncomfortable, but it is self-perpetuating because facing a fear will in some manner destroy it. A fear is not a reality. It is imagined, and lives in the murkiness of indecision and haunting uncertainty. Fear feeds on avoidance.
What do I fear the most for my children? I do fear losing them. Once that fetal heartbeat is heard, a parent is determined it should outlast their own. But, I suppose, even worse than loss of life is a life not worth living. I fear that they somehow end up hollow and restless and in need of an outside something to "fix" them, that their adult bodies will ill fit them and childish inhibitions will impede them from growing into complete competence. I see the goodness woven into them and I fear, somehow, that they will not.
What do I fear most for myself?
That I will not be able to do what needs to be done. That I am incapable.
A dark subject, I suppose...but, I find that fear creeps in and weakens us when we need to be strong. And, I also find there can be a great deal of fear in parenting.
Ultimately, in some way, we fear our child's fear: what they can't, or don't, want to face. Thankfully, fears start small. We offer a bite of broccoli, we peer into closets for monsters, we introduce a new friend, we wander a maze of hallways to their kindergarten classroom, and acknowledge the intimidation of unkind words from a ruthless peer. We urge them to take leaps. (Not too high...well, ok...if you think you're ready..)
"Without fear there cannot be courage.”
― Christopher Paolini
At some point, our assistance dissipates in order to make their abilities stronger, and they begin to face their fears with their own mind and determination. The reward is complete in facing fear, and when our children take on the monsters and the bullies and the bicycles with no training wheels, regardless of the "success" in it, we understand that courage has found a place in them.
Well, mom, I think that we have this courage of the unknown. :)
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