Some time has passed since my last post. Ahem...
I'm sure there is a well-funded federal case study to find the average time allowance for a new endeavor, or resolution to utterly fail, and I have filled a personal graveyard of abandoned interests. Nevertheless, here I type, resisting--no, taunting--the laws of averages.
A few individuals of late are prodding this exhausted mother to continue.
So, I told my parents, "Alright, already! I'll get more pictures of your precious grandchildren posted..."
Actually, what will never cease to amaze me is the interest of those without nepotistic motive, no common DNA do we share, and, yet these have an interest in the mutterings of a tired (already used the word 'exhausted') middle-aged mom, and, in so doing, they become more than a cheerleader toward this goal, but a cause.
I owe a debt to anyone who reminds me who I want to be.
But, who are these people that cheer us on? Where do you find that individual banging around in this world ready to dive into you and the minuscule personality trinkets you have to offer? A relationship is nothing short of a phenomenon. These people become attached to us in this life, some for a blink and others until there is no more. And, in the ups and downs, to whom do I consider "blood" vs. "water?"
An infant born, bathes in love unconditional. A young child demands this love, and an adolescent challenges and frays the fibers of the "unconditional" parameters. And, I don't care how old I am, I still pine for my parents' love in that deep, hollow place between the heart and gut. Birth is random. The blood we share is not by choice, it is blind and chaotic and arbitrary.
Yet, we ramble and hurl through the stream of days and months and years, and encounter individuals who matter little, and we don't know their name, we cannot recall the tone of their voice or their scent that lingers in their hair and scarf, and we do not long for their gaze, their thoughts unburdened, the inhale and exhale that fuels the light of their desire and dreams. They drive a Honda, like so many Hondas, and they drop their keys while paying a cashier. They have nice shoes and look pensive. They peck at a phone in their hands, shuttling messages to someone not us. And, that someone is someone to them, and how and when did it occur? Were they born into common blood, or was it another chance encounter bound for unknown intention?
"Blood is thicker than water" is commonly understood to mean that the bond between family members or blood relations is stronger than one between people outside a family (water?). Life has a way of challenging an absolute philosophy, does it not? Upon further research, I discovered what appears to be the origin of this phrase:
“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
When blood sealed a covenant, it was more binding than a family tie. It's all about perspective. It's all about commitment.
There is no doubt I understand the complexity of unconditional love, when wellness is hoped for above all else. To love, without diminishing self, without accepting disrespect or abuse.
I love my husband unconditionally, bound by a vow, a covenant. To be "blood" through the good, the bad and my many hairstyles of the 90's. And, I love my children and, unconditionally, through sweat, tears, and...yes, blood, battle the doldrums and trudge the summits that lock child and parent in a tandem journey to discover who we all are and how we will bear the yoke we carry together. Born in water, bound by blood.
And one day, you may bend down to place keys in the hand of a stranger, or share a bench with a personality reflected in a pair of fabulous shoes. Sometimes the chemistry, the electric fray in which we are all immersed, will produce a random ricochet that lands and sticks, and you find a friend. More, really, because there is a sense of yourself in that one, already understood, with words unspoken. And when you find yourself speaking, tumbling toward fore-drawn conclusions and sentences unfinished yet understood, you will forever share your existence with this one, because you knew from the first spark that this one is blood.