Know your "No"

The most powerful word in parenting.
No.
It is a command.  It is a complete sentence.  It stands for authority and represents consequence.
"No" is the entire reason for the "terrible twos."
"No" is powerful when effective, but substantially more powerful when not, and you don't want to know who has the power then....

This topic cannot be overstated when it comes to the matter of effective disciple.  It is the Alpha and Omega of parental control.  "No" is the tool to stop tracks and avert disaster. "No" is the path to any shred of dignity a parent can salvage in a public setting.

Now....parents have the rights to "No,"  but children will infringe.  One day...a toddler opens his eyes to 17 months of existence, and a top-secret memo leaks.  A revelation.  An epiphany.  They realize, when verbal skills meet determination, they have access to this powerful tool.  Misappropriated use is ugly.  But, that won't stop every child from trying to wield it.  Convinced they can carry it, they muster a defiant stance and own it.
"NOOO!!"
Firm and resilient, because they have nowhere else to be.  They've got ALL day.  It's on like Donkey-Kong.  They don't acquiesce.

When the "no's" start getting tossed around, it gets messy.  You have got to re-establish ownership quickly, because they get greedy for it.  Hungry for the power.

Claiming the "no" and using it correctly are imperative to any disciplinary success.   If your "Yes" means "maybe" and your "No" means "okay, just this once..."  then you are creating a super-villain, like a mutating viral strain, gaining strength with every weak attempt to squash it.

Educate yourself as to what you're up against.  Children have the upper hand from the beginning.  They start as a lump.  It would be abuse to say "No."  Literally.  So...it's yes to food, yes to bouncing, yes to pacifier, yes to squishy toy, yes to pacing around the living room 42 minutes at a time, yes to hanging out at 3 a.m., yes to being held while cooking dinner, yes to the smart phone....wait....

They age, and we strive to be reacquainted with our preferences again, the adult capacity of deciding what suits our fancy.  So, we test the waters.....  "No" we say, but do we mean it?  You better believe that a child knows if we mean it.  They know so much more than we could ever imagine, and they have the advantage.  They are self-centered to the core and possess fine-tuned animal instincts, having communicated non-verbally for upwards of two years and analyzing our every movement and expression, becoming experts at human interaction and reading body language.  They are building synapses at the speed of light, while we lumber through our sleep-deprived mental processes to stay one step ahead of them.

So, we say the "No."  Was there a pause?  The slightest pause has already been registered, and our rusty cogwheels have no awareness that it's too late.  Even if they don't get their way this time, they've identified the crack and are licking their chops to the sweet taste of victory to come.  Do not be mistaken, it is the hesitation, the second chances, the indecision, and worst of all: the back-pedaling that will eventually bring a mother to her knees.  It is madness.  The "no" becomes a tug-of-war instead of a line not to be crossed.  They will press and search for the point when "no" becomes "yes" and they are good at it. 

The bottom lines is:  if you're going to use the "No," you have to mean it and be prepared, flexed in your haunches, for immediate confirmation.  We must be equipped with a knee-jerk response that enforces a "No" immediately, seriously, unequivocally.  No second guessing.  The crossroads of a "No" leaves you facing child, both searching for the bluff.  Do not shift your eyes.  Do not change your stance.  Do not allow changing circumstances to prevent you from follow through.  See it all the way to success.  You are a pillar of authority, and no matter what chaos ensues, you stand firm, poised only for substantiation of your command.

A child will throw everything they've got at you.  It might get ugly, embarrassing.  But, I promise you, when they realize that your "No" means no, they won't waste their energy anymore.  A child will respect a firm line, but they know, like they are equipped with a psychological radar, when an adult will cave or look away or provide multiple "chances."  It is then, you become your own worst enemy.

Arm yourselves, moms!  Do it sooner than later.  Meet the challenge of defiance with one option and one option only:  yours.  It is the best gift you will ever give yourself.  Your preference counts.  Your opinion matters.  Don't be bulldozed!  Find your power you have within, and your children will rest easy knowing you have the control to guide them to their own success.